I hope you are well, despite the current lockdown and changes to everyone’s circumstances.
I have been thinking for some time, that I needed to contact my clients and let them know that I’m still able and available, to help online, if they have any issues they need and want support with.
However, my abiding thought has been that everyone is rushing around trying to keep things normal, yet there is nothing normal about the current situation, well not until we get used to it at any rate.
How do you respond?
The way we respond to stressful situation is generally determined by the way we responded the first time in we experienced a shock. This is usually in childhood through loss of a family member, a house or school move or parents getting divorced for example. If the way we operated then served us well, it’s likely it’s become our default reaction.
Whilst most of my friends and colleagues have been rushing around re-establishing their businesses online, (I am not saying there is anything wrong with that), I noticed my reaction seemed to be very different. I actually slowed down and took time to consider: what is most important for me right now? It turned out to be: ‘catch up with things I have wanted to do for a long time’. Things that for various I not done, including decorating the living room.
I know, from my 30 years experience, helping people understand and deal with stress, that they tend to respond with the 2 most known reactions : fight or flight. They might feel angry, want to go to the gym to burn off that extra energy and let off steam. My reaction is the less talked about, freeze mode.
This is because as a teenager, my boyfriend got upset and decided the way to resolve the matter was be to kill me (yes, you read that right) and set the caravan on fire to hide the evidence. My life was under threat, there was no way I could fight or flee. He had locked me in the small bedroom and I was 30 miles from home. All I could do was sit, stay calm and wait to see what would happen. Ultimately, after what seemed like a long time, I found the courage to speak and call his bluff. I calmly asked him to just get on with it. I guess he really didn’t know what to do then. Now, I understand that as he felt he was not in control of me any more, all he could do was drive me home.
My pattern of pausing, when under extreme pressure, served me well then, and since, so it’s what I did this time too. I admit it wasn’t conscious at first. I did also wonder whether it was crazy. Then I came across an article entitled: ‘Why you should ignore all that coronavirus – inspired productivity pressure’. which explains why stopping is actually really good to find long term solutions.
I must admit, I had a sense of relief, even though, deep down, I know what I am doing is right for me. It’s still hard when you think you are the only one.
Therefore, I would recommend you take a moment to consider what your default reaction is.
If it still serves you well, even if everyone else seems to be doing something different, keep doing it. It’s what’s right for you.
Is it one that has served you well in the past, but is now actually getting in your way? If it is, then know that it doesn’t have to be that way. I’m here to help you find a better way.
When you operate from that place are you ever left with regrets? If so, now is your time to change that and live without regrets.
Help moving forward
I have, for some time now, been doing session over the internet but as this may not be familiar to to you, I offer 2 of these per person, for a donation, to enable you to establish whether this kind of support is going to be of help to you.
This is ideal if you:
want to find better ways of operating
need to reduce your stress levels
struggle to overcome anxiety
want to rediscover what is important for you right now
and how you can move forward in a way that is right for you.
Here is a testimonial from someone I helped last week.
“After having a disagreement with my husband, my reaction is to put a wall up and go quiet. I know this doesn’t solve anything as I find myself seething for hours and go to bed in a mood, going over and over in my head what things I could say! I don’t like feeling like that, but haven’t known what else to do or how to get out of it. However last night was different. I tried the eye movement you explained over our internet chat. I had a go at ‘erasing’ my emotional reaction and it worked! So pleased I went to sleep not so peed off! So thank you again x” JW from Swindon
Whether it’s the children, the partner, the isolation, or just the change of situation that is currently driving up the wall. Or as I unfortunately heard this morning, from a friend, the loss of a family member (not virus related), I want you to know, you’re not alone. I am here for you. I can support you, so you can get through it, in the best way you can.
Keep calm and relax, it’s the best thing you can do, to keep your immune system working at its best, and you, able to make good choices.
In the future
It is unfortunate the 5Rhythms Mindful Movement Workshop, due in April is cancelled at a time when we most need to process our feelings and emotions. However, I will set up mindful movement classes thorough my Mindful movement FB group if you want to join. In that group, I will also share posts I see relating similar classes that are happening online.
I plan to run my 50 shades of guilt workshop, in May, via the internet. If that appeals to you then make sure you join my list and tick the workshops that interest you.